Kirtland Single Adult Conference, 2009
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This is a report of a recent conference held in Kirtland that I helped organize. It was a wonderful experience.
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My Conversion Story
The story of my conversion to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
From Darkness Into Light
Written January 7, 2009
I have been through a number of periods in my life where I have felt lost, hopeless – even deperate. In every case, things eventually improved, letting me know that my Heavenly Father is really aware of me and my needs. Here are ones that come to mind.
Bullies in Grade School
I don’t have very much of a memory of this anymore, but at some point in my grade school career at St. Joseph, I was really burdened by bullies. This likely was around 5th or 6th grade. There were 3 boys in my class that would wait for me to go out to the playground every day after lunch. I didn’t have too many friends and was small and immature for my age so I was a likely target. I don’t remember exactly what they did, but I remember being nearly surrounded by the 3 of them and they were all bigger than I was. They taunted and teased me, stopping short of actually hurting me physically. This went on for quite some time – I don’t remember how long, but probably a few weeks. Eventually I dreaded going out to play. I was feeling very fearful and it was affecting my whole life. I didn’t know how to handle it except to finally tell my mother. She visited the principle (Sr. Agnell as I recall, whom everyone feared), who in turn talked the boys. That put an end to their bullying, more or less. The bullies still had little respect for me because of the way I handled the situation. Nevertheless, I remember feeling a tremendous relief with this burden being suddenly lifted. The fear was virtually gone. I finally gained some respect in the 8th grade when I chose to not back down when another boy, who had also repeatedly picked on me, taunted me one day. I remember a rather large crowd of boys watching as he and I fought. It didn’t last long, and neither of us got hurt. I remember later thinking that I should have fought with all my strength and really showed everyone what I was capable of, but I had finally gained some respect from others and myself.
In College
I fell in love for the first time with a girl named Amy about the time I turned 21 and was a Junior at Virginia Tech. It lasted about 3 weeks before she tired of me, but the pain continued for a long time. I was in deep depression for months and during that time it seemed the only think I could think of was to try to get her back. I met her in the summer, and then in the fall had to return to Ohio to work at Timken and live at home. I decided to write my thoughts down and later used much of the material in a long letter that I composed and sent to her. As I recall, it was at least 10 pages long. The letter never got a reaction that I was aware of. In the winter, I returned to college and roomed with Bradley, who was a black student I was paired up with. We became friends and I confided in him telling him of some of my feelings for Amy. This helped a lot because up until then I had no one to talk to. Unfortunately Bradley dropped out of school before the end of the Winter quarter and I was left alone. I remember feeling terribly alone – even worse than I had felt in the summer and fall. Mercifully, the quarter finally ended and I returned home where at least I had my family, but the feelings of loneliness continued. In the summer I returned to school and things really started to change for me. I met Julie who seemed to really like me, although I wasn’t able to have the same feelings for her that I had for Amy. Nevertheless, my whole outlook began to change. Then I made friends with a guy in my class – also a John. He introduced me to 3 of his friends and the 4 of us began to do a lot of things together. John became my best friend and I eventually roomed with him during our final quarter at school. That final year turned out to be the best of my college career. Once again, I knew that Heavenly Father was watching over me.
After College
I had been enjoying college, being on my own, making new friends, etc. I felt the next step was to get a good job, get married, and settle down. Instead I returned home to Ohio in the Summer of 1975 without any marriage prospects and for a while felt like my life was over. I didn’t enjoy the job at Timken, which I had all through college as part of a Co-op program, but they made me the most attractive offer so I decided to take it. I didn’t like the idea of living alone so I went back to the farm. Unfortunately things had changed while I was gone and I didn’t really fit in very well anymore. There was no bedroom for me so my mother let me use the front porch as a bedroom. It was small and cold, but most of all, I remember feeling alone and almost in a hopeless situation, despite the fact that I had a good job and plenty of potential. My failure to find a wife in college was now seeming like a major problem. I didn’t feel there was a way of meeting anyone now. While my brothers and sisters were enjoying their lives and friends, I was often alone, and feeling humiliated. I felt that I needed to get away, but where to go? Moving into an apartment was not attractive option. What I really wanted to do was leave everything and start a new life. Then the thought came to me to quit my job and travel. Initially the thought seemed like too much to bear. Where would I go? How would I survive? What would I do at the end? But the more I thought about it, the better I felt about it. It was like a light had come on and I suddenly felt good and excited about my life. I won’t go into all the details here, but that decision truly did change my life. Ultimately, I settled in Salt Lake City, joined the Mormon Church, served a mission in Japan, made many friends, and met my future wife.
My Mission
All new missionaries were assigned to be with a senior companion. This was significant because the real burden of the work fell on the senior, leaving the junior companion with little responsibility or pressure. The senior companion was responsible for planning each day’s activities, taking the lead in lessons, and perhaps most importantly, in speaking Japanese when communicating with the people. I had a real problem with the Japanese language. It just did not come easily to me. I noted with great concern, that my peers were learning Japanese more rapidly than I was. As time went on the fear of being assigned as a senior companion before I felt comfortable with the language grew. I assumed that I wouldn’t be facing that prospect until the mid-way point in my missiont, but when I discovered about 8 months into my mission that some elders in my group had been promoted to senior, I began to worry. I did not feel ready for that responsibility at all. Keep in mind that I was older than all the other missionaries, which added a feeling of inferiority to the fear. I had somehow escaped the first round of promotions, but I knew that at the next transfer, I wouldn’t likely be called. As the date for the next transfer approached, my worry turned into near panic. I decided to start getting one hour earlier each day to allow more time to study the language. To make matters worse, we were heading into winter. The thought of having to endure the cold at same time I was given the assignment to be a senior added to my depression. On December 10th (1981), I received the dreaded call from the President Shimabukuro. But instead of calling me to be a senior companion, he asked to serve in the mission home as the Recorder, and my companion would be a Japanese Elder. I was thrilled. Not only had I avoided becoming a senior, I was going to spend the cold winter months in the comfort of the mission home. I had a wonderful time there, and had some special experiences. I felt blessed indeed. I eventually became a senior companion, of course, but not until the following June, and by then I was ready. I still remember everyone in the Mission home, including President and Sister Shimabukuro, seeing me off at the Eki (train station) as I began the long trip to a Oodate. There I had some of the very best experiences of my entire mission. It was truly an exciting time for me. The Lord knew me and didn’t ask me to do more than I was able, but He then gave me opportunity to stretch and grow when I was ready.
Career and Money Issues
We struggled during the first several years of our marriage. I was reasonably successful as a home inspector, but didn’t really like it for a number of reasons, including the fact that there was never enough money. In 1991 I decided to try something new. I purchased a computer and sofware that could work with a telephone line to make automated calls and handle incoming calls like an answering machine, but with a lot more features. However, I struggled for the next 2 years trying to figure out how to make money with this new technology. During that period, I tried a number of things, but nothing was working. All I succeeded in doing was to spend money and gradually fall into serious financial trouble. I remember writing in my journal about our near-desperate situation and feeling like I really needed some help. I had a young family, was a worthy priesthood holder, and felt that if anyone deserved divine guidance and inspiration it was me. The worry and fear went on for a number of months until I was out one Sunday, on my way to visit one of my home teaching families, when the idea suddenly came to me that I had two families on my list, both related to each other, that had to pay expensive long distance charges to call each other. And I happened to have technology that could connect them up at at fraction of the cost. Then it ocurred to me that there might be others in a similar situation that could use my service. From that idea, a business was born that supported us very well for many years, eventually grossing more than 2 million dollars a year.
Divorce and Business Failure
I am now in another period of difficulty – this one more severe and long-lasting than any of the others. My divorce and subsequent business failures have left me feeling like Job in the Old Testament, having lost everything after having such abundance. I am continually mourning the loss of what I had, and wondering why this has happened to me. I’m still not sure whether it’s some sort of punishment or an experience the Lord has sent to give me needed experience and growth. I have felt hopelessness like never before, and it’s gone on now for 3 years. It’s not been all darkness. Certainly I can be thankful for family and friends, and employment. But a real solution is not yet in sight. I haven’t been able to escape the feeling that I’m too old to make a comeback – that my time is over. I know that I could live for many more years in theory, and used to look forward to a long life, but right now I can’t imagine it. I would really prefer to be taken now than to endure many more years of this.
But I feel hope when I look back on my life and realize that I have been in similar periods of darkness, and have always come through them, eventually feeling the light and the warmth of God’s love. I am needing that again now, and hope Heavenly Father will help me once more. I am far from perfect, hardly deserving of anything good, but perhaps He will have mercy on me anyway. That’s my hope. And I know I need to express gratitude for what I have because I still have much. Hopefully, I will someday be able to write a happy followup to this story. Know that I’m not bitter or angry. I don’t blame anyone but myself. And I still know that Heavenly Father loves me.
Using The Savior As Our Guide
by John Horning
Here’s the text of a talk I gave in Sacrament meeting yesterday. It doesn’t look like much, but I spent a lot of time on this – didn’t get to bed until 3:45 AM Sunday morning. Ruby stayed up with me working on this, which was really sweet of her.
Today I’ve been asked to speak on the subject of how we can use the example of the Savior as a guide in our life. Jesus Christ has been described as the perfect mentor, or the perfect example for us to follow. Why is that? We know he is the redeemer of the world, the only perfect man to ever walk the earth and he has experienced more than anyone of us. But the reason he is the perfect mentor is because he was tutored by and perfectly emulates his Heavenly Father who is the father of us all. We in turn have been asked to emulate him.
Elder Neal A.Maxwell, in speaking of Christ as the perfect mentor, noted that Jesus said, “He that hath seen me hath seen the Father” (John 14:9). When we read this we usually think of their physical appearances, but He was also speaking of seeing Their perfect examples and all the divine attributes embodied in Their majestic leadership.
Furthermore, the Master likewise told us who His own Exemplar is: “Verily, verily, I say unto you, The Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do: for what things soever he doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise” (John 5:19).
He who is our Great Redeemer was fully qualified to become such, because He was and is the Great Emulator! We, in turn, have been asked to emulate Him: “What manner of men [and women] ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am” (3 Ne. 27:27).
Why do we need to emulate Christ? In the Book of John the Savior said “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.“ and in a later verse “Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me hath everlasting life.” Considering the Savior’s great promise for peace in this life and eternal life in the life to come, discipleship is a price worth paying. It is a price we cannot afford not to pay. By measure, the requirements of discipleship are much, much less than the promised blessings.
At every stage in life, we face challenges. They can range from problems in our relationships with friends and family, difficult decisions relating to career or marriage, and raising children to financial problems, abuse, persecution, physical infirmities, loneliness and loss. The formula for overcoming every one of these challenges is the same. We must use the principles that Jesus taught by word and example. They are faith, obedience to the commandments, sincere prayer, and acceptance of Heavenly Father’s will.
Faith
Elder Dallin H Oaks said this about Christ’s faith: The kind of faith that includes trust in the Lord stands in contrast to many imitations. Some people trust no one but themselves. Some put their highest trust in a friend or another family member, perhaps because they feel that person is more righteous or more wise than they. But that is not the Lord’s way. He told us to put our faith and our trust in the Lord Jesus Christ.
The Savior gave us the model for that kind of faith and trust. Remember how he prayed to the Father in the agony of Gethsemane? This was the culminating event of his life, the climactic fulfillment of his mission as our Savior. The gospel of Luke, as corrected in the inspired translation of the Prophet Joseph Smith, describes how he knelt down and prayed: “Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me; nevertheless, not my will, but thine be done” (JST, Luke 22:42).
Here we see the Savior’s absolute faith and trust in the Father. “Nevertheless,” he said, “not my will, but thine be done.” The Father’s answer was to deny the plea of his Only Begotten Son.
When we try to develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ rather than merely cultivating faith as an abstract principle of power, we understand the meaning of the Savior’s words: “If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me” (Moro. 7:33).
Obedience
Christ was the perfect model of obedience. His entire life was characterized by his total willingness to submit to the will of His Father. Despite His godly status, He acknowledged His Father with deference at every turn and obeyed His divine will and direction. At the beginning of His mortal ministry, He obediently sought baptism from John the Baptist “to fulfil all righteousness” (Matt. 3:15). Soon Christ was subjected to intense personal temptation by Satan. Christ’s unwavering commitment to His Father is reflected in His steadfast refusal to stray a single step from the straight and demanding course laid before Him by divine decree and eternal law. Satan’s will was rejected at every turn (see Matt. 4:3–11).
Christ’s ultimate submission to the will of the Father was as He drank the bitter cup of suffering in Gethsemane, at His scourging, and in His Crucifixion on Golgotha. His submissive attitude is reflected in His words, “O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt” (Matt. 26:39). His example of unhesitating, unswerving obedience sets a very high bar, but when we accept His admonition to “be perfect even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect” (3 Ne. 12:48) as a key element of the plan of eternal progression, we begin to understand what the Lord expects us to be.
Prayer
Elder Russell M. Nelson said this about prayer: “Our prayers follow patterns and teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. He taught us how to pray. From His prayers we can learn many important lessons. “
The Lord’s Prayer, as it is called, is found in 4 places in the scriptures. Christ prefaced His prayer by first asking His followers to avoid “vain repetitions” and to pray “after this manner.” Thus, the Lord’s Prayer serves as a pattern to follow and not as a piece to memorize and recite repetitively.
As I recite the Lord’s Prayer, listen for lessons:
“Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
“Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
“Give us this day our daily bread.
“Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us,” and
“Suffer us not to be led into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”
For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.”
The term “Our Father,” signifies a close relationship between God and His children. The phrase “hallowed be thy name” reflects the respect and worshipful attitude that we should feel as we pray. “Thy will be done” is another way of expressing the concept of submitting to Heavenly Father’s will, which we’ll discuss in a moment.
His request for “daily bread” includes a need for spiritual nourishment as well. Jesus, who called Himself “the bread of life,” gave a promise: “He that cometh to me shall never hunger.” And as we partake of sacramental emblems worthily, we are further promised that we may always have His Spirit to be with us. That is spiritual sustenance that cannot be obtained in any other way.
As the Lord closes His prayer, He acknowledges God’s great power and glory, ending with “Amen.”
The Lord said many prayers and taught many things about prayer, indicating it’s importance. Likewise, we cannot take it lightly.
Submission to the will of Heavenly Father
Surely there is no greater example of submission to the will of our Heavenly Father than that of Christ’s suffering and death.
Elder Jeffery R. Holland, in the last general conference focused on the loneliness of the Savior’s final hours before his death on the cross, and how his experience could help us when we are feeling alone, but it also illustrates the Savior’s acceptance of his Heavenly Father’s will. He said “I speak of the loneliest journey ever made and the unending blessings it brought to all in the human family. I speak of the Savior’s solitary task of shouldering alone the burden of our salvation. Rightly He would say: “I have trodden the winepress alone; and of the people there was none with me. … I looked, and there was none to help; and I wondered that there was none to uphold [me].”
Now I speak very carefully, even reverently, of what may have been the most difficult moment in all of this solitary journey to Atonement. I speak of those final moments for which Jesus must have been prepared intellectually and physically but which He may not have fully anticipated emotionally and spiritually—that concluding descent into the paralyzing despair of divine withdrawal when He cries in ultimate loneliness, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” With this final question, the Savior completed his mission, having fully submitted to the will of his Father. Although we will not be asked for such a extreme sacrifice, the example has been set for us to submit our will to our Heavenly Father, which can sometimes mean denial of our fervent prayers.
Now let’s take a closer look at some of the less dramatic, but still important ways in which our Savior tutored his disciples. Neal A Maxwell explained that Christ used Questions, Commendations, and Corrections in his interactions, thus giving us an example to follow as we interact with each another.
Questions
An example of a Jesus’ questions would be the one he asked Peter – “Lovest thou me?”. This question carried with it tremendous implications. Peter’s reply “Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee” then brought the Christ’s response “Feed my sheep”. With his affirmative reply, Peter not only promised to be faithful and loyal to Jesus, which became very difficult when Jesus was arrested, but also that he would care for all of Heavenly Father’s children – a task he hardly could have comprehended at the time.
Another question which Elder Maxwell describes as “multi-dispensational” was Jesus’ question to the returning and healed leper “where are the other nine?” It was a question not only for him, but for all of us and for all time.
Elder Maxwell points out that these kind of searching questions need to be asked in love in order to bring about the desired affect. Asked without love, Christ’s questions would likely have little affect.
Commendations
Elder Maxwell uses the word commendations to describe the kind and complimentary words Christ’s used sometimes to teach. For example in D&C 124, speaking of Hyrum Smith, we find a verse that I found particularly meaningful. “I, the Lord, love him because of the integrity of his heart, and because he loveth that which is right before me”. This is certainly a good verse to keep in mind when we are facing temptations that could result in a possible loss of integrity, and thus loss of the Savior’s approval.
Referring to the Roman Centurion Jesus gave this commendation: “I have not found so great faith, no, not in Israel.” This of course, was not only praise for the Centurion, but with his remark, Christ made it clear that the Centurion’s faith was an example for all of us to follow.
Corrections
Christ’s tutoring sometimes included corrections. To Oliver Cowdery he said “You took no thought save it was to ask”. He was of course referring to Oliver’s request that he be allowed to translate portions of the gold plates. Apparently Oliver, like us made a request of the Lord through prayer, but then failed to do his own part. This can certainly be likened to us when we make similar requests of the Lord and then fail to make the required effort of our own.
Brigham Young needed to be reminded to “take especial care of your family”. This came despite all the good things that Brigham was doing, and is a reminder that all of us need to submit to loving correction, at least occasionally.
I think it is noteworthy that Elder Maxwell used the term “corrections” to describe those times when the Lord points out error. When we try to point out error, the word “criticism” comes to mind. How much better to “correct”, which implies love, than to “criticize”, which is void of love.
The relationship between correction and commendation is a tricky one. We are cautioned by Paul, interestingly enough, not to reprove others too much, causing them to “be swallowed up with over much sorrow” (2 Cor. 2:7). President Brigham Young, ever practical as well as spiritual, said we should never reprove beyond the capacity of our healing balm to reach out to the person reproved (see Deseret News, 6 Mar. 1861, 1). And of course there’s the counsel we receive in the D&C to Reprove “ betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then show forth afterwards an increase of love”
Our lives which include our friends, families, neighbors, and coworkers currently constitute the sample of humanity which God has given us.. ..It is within these circles of influence that we can strive to carry out all the dimensions of the second great commandment. If we follow the Savior’s example as we love we will praise, commend, and occasionally correct.
I’m going to conclude with some specific things Jesus did that we can all emulate, as taught by James E. Faust.
1. Jesus “went about doing good.” We can all do something good every day—for a family member, a friend, or even a stranger—if we will look for those opportunities.
2. Jesus was the Good Shepherd who watched over his sheep and had concern for those that were lost. We can be spiritual shepherds by being member missionaries to our friends, neighbors, and family members. We can follow the Savior’s example as we seek out the less active and befriend them.
3. Jesus had compassion on many. He healed the sick and caused the blind to see. Although we can not do miracles like the Savior, we can do small acts of kindness to show our compassion for others. At baptism we made a covenant “to mourn with those that mourn.”
4. Jesus bore witness of His divine mission and of His Father’s great work. We can bear our testimony of the Savior and we can “stand as witnesses of God at all times” and all places.
5. Jesus invited “the little children to come unto [Him].” Our children need our attention and love as well as our care. We need to teach them gospel principles and of the Savior’s love.
Brothers and Sisters, I testify that Christ, having been taught by the Father, is now our perfect mentor, and is not only worthy of our emulation, but is the only way back to the Father and to the countless blessing that will be ours if we but follow his example.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Since my last post, I’ve met a telemarketer who may be the key to jump-starting my digital phone service, Rivul.com. I was looking for a job on Craigslist when I came across his ad. He was looking for telemarketers to sell phone service. Although telemarketing is not something I do well with, the fact that he was selling telephone service intruiged me. The owner’s name is Tom Canterbury and we talked by phone and decided to meet. He has been a telemarketer for a long time and has a had excellent success selling local phone service – mostly with First Communication.
JohnHorning.com Launched Today
by John Horning
Here we go again – yet another website “launch”. While I realize no one has been holding their breath about this event, I’m cautiously hopeful that this might one day become at least a respected website.
I tried to get Rivul.com off the ground a couple of weeks ago, but quickly realized that’s easier said than done. Initially, I tried an Adwords campaign, but chickened out before I had blown $100 (I accidentally spent about $60 just trying to set up a fake test campaign!). PPC may have worked but I just didn’t have the nerve.
So I went on to plan B, which was to put my referral cards to work. I mailed off a set to Michele Ross, an energetic woman I met on LDSMingle who lives in Dayton. Also sent some to Jeannine Griffith who is in Arizona – she and her husband David used to live in Ohio. She’s has a very outgoing personality, and likes me, so I thought I would take advantage of that and ask her to pass them out to her friends. I also gave some to Paul McMahon, a fellow member of the Canton Ward (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints). He attends networking meetings and figured he wouldn’t mind passing them out.
Then I got what I thought was a brilliant idea. I found out about some forums where the main topics have to do with Internet marketing, MLM, and home-based businesses. I thought to myself, I’m sure there’s someone in this group that would appreciate my new product, and has a sizable following of people on his list or his downline. I just needed to find one person with influence and the rest would be history. Right?
So I posted a message on the board (after making the required 15 posts so I was priviledged enough to begin using HTML code in my messages). The message decribed my VoIP telephone service with it’s great referral program, along with a link to the site. I got a reply almost immediately from a guy who was completely full of himself and very condescending. He ripped my website, saying it was “amateurish” and claimed it would “never convert” (make sales, in other words). He also hated the name (Rivul) and said it was “rivulting” or something rude like that. I pathetically tried to respond explaining that I realized the site needed a little help, but felt the product was good, and I just needed a little help from someone good at marketing.
Well it just went downhill from there. He made another rude comment. At that point I was totally embarrassed and demoralized and tried to figure out to get the whole post deleted. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to happen, and definitely not how they described the process of developing relationships and trust, etc. in the tutorial on forum marketing. I went to bed that night feeling very depressed.
But the next day, I felt better. On Craigslist, I came across a couple of new ways to earn money online – one was from a guy looking for bloggers – turned out he was trying to find a way to get people to click on Adwords just to drive up income. I reluctantly went along with it for a couple days and then he disappeared. I was relieved. Anyways, the other thing I found was a way to earn by surfing – a site called ad-ventures4u. I don’t want to go into detail, but they pay people to view ads, and I found out that, as a member, I could post ads for free for the members to view. That started me thinking about new ways to advertise, but I was convinced that it wouldn’t work to advertise Rivul.com directly – it just didn’t have broad appeal, and it had no brand recognition.
I also thought about some of the things I had learned while studying “attraction marketing” concepts that are effective in marketing mlm products. Slowly an idea came together in my head. What if I had a good “capture page”, where I was myself (maybe people my age could relate) that made it sound like I had a lot of knowledge I wanted to share with people in exchange for their name and email addresses. And after I got that, I’ll direct to, not one, but many affiliate products. This would sure be more effective than just trying to advertise one product, like Rivul.com or even a high-converting affiliate product. And with their contact information, I also had the chance of developing a relationship with the possibility of selling to them later.
So, the idea of an Internet Marketing “Resource and Learning Center” came about. You can see this now at JohnHorning.com/resources. I also decided to name the website after myself – seemed like a good idea after I learned of the power of branding yourself in my reading on attraction marketing. I had previously felt that it might be effective to “tell my story” because maybe people could empathize with a little – you know the guy who’s down on his luck and makes a comeback. I would love to be that guy!
Anyway, I hope you find the site useful – and maybe even occasionally entertaining.
My Story – 2003 to June 2009
by John Horning
Okay – I thought it was time to tell my story – well not all of it, but some of the highlights (and low-lights) from the past several years. I am not including a lot of details about my divorce or my love life since the divorce. I’ll save that for another time and place.
Let’s start in 2003. I had a successful telephone business – Acction Communications (the company was actually started in 1993 as Akron Canton Connection – maybe I’ll write more about that sometime, here’s an article that was published in a business magazine about me some time ago). Anyway, I was happy with my career, but there was deep trouble in my marriage. We had been in counseling on and off since 1996 (or was it 1995). I had been thinking about moving out for at least 3 or 4 years. We began openly talking about a separation in 2003, but it took me about 6 months to actually do it. This was partially due to the time required to find and close on a house. I was able to pay cash for a fairly nice house that was just a couple miles away. The official move took place on Christmas day – not a happy day.
Being away from my children was the worst part of separation. I remember a moment when I had a near panic attack when I realized what I was doing. But the loneliness and depression resulting from separation were only the beginning. It would get a lot worse.
Looking back, 2004 was actually a good year. I had plenty of time and money. The business grossed over $2,000,000 – the best ever. I was able to do some things with my children that were a lot of fun. In March, I took Andrew and Emily to Salt Fork State Park for a couple days. We stayed in the lodge, and rented a motor-boat to scoot around in on the lake. In June, I took Emily to Tennessee to visit Mary and her family for a few days. That was a lot of fun, too. Then at the end of July, Andrew, Emily, and I drove to Idaho to visit my oldest daughter, Sarah, at BYU-Idaho in Rexburg. That trip lasted about a week and a half and we were able to see a number of things including Salt Lake, Mt. Rushmore, and we visited some of Therese’s family in Iowa. Wall Drug was something we happened to run into that I found particularly interesting. These trips were somewhat empty because it only included part of my family, but still, it was more than we had done during most years prior to that.
The divorce was moving along very slowly – too slowly. In early 2005, I became convinced that we had to sell the business for a couple of reasons. One was that there was a ruling by the FCC that was going to result in a large increase in our costs in early 2006. The other issue was that of dividing assets for the divorce. I didn’t really see how we could do it without selling the business. There was another reason as well – I was getting burned out. I had often felt I had no business being in the telephone business. I never felt I was really on top of it, and was constantly worried about being put out of business – either due to excessive competition, high cost, or governmental regulation. We had survived a number of scares over the years, and had even thrived, but I was ready for a change.
I began investigating some new business opportunities. I spent a fair amount of time and money investigating the possibility of building a hotel in Hartville, and was finally advised by a consultant that it probably wouldn’t work. I had always felt that it would be a good idea to own income property so I contacted realtor, Glenn Appel, about purchasing an apartment building or office building. Instead, he steered me into a condominium project and developer, Dale Jones. The project looked very promising so I agreed to invest $150,000.
The condo project wouldn’t provide steady income nor would it take up my time, so I looked for something else to help with those issues. I’m not sure why, but I found the idea of owning a shipping and copy store intriguing. I investigated franchises, but settled on hiring a consultant who helped people set up “business centers”. There seemed to be so many ways to make money, I figured I couldn’t lose, and there were no franchise or national advertising fees so I felt this was a wise move. I even considered opening two stores, thinking I would have assistant managers at each location, while I just paid regular visits and managed the whole operation. Eventually I decided I’d better just start with one.
For a while, I thought maybe two businesses was not enough and considered getting involved in a log home business, which would involve building and living in a log home, and being a sales agent at the same time. Eventually I decided that wasn’t for me although it sounded like a fun idea.
My share of the condo project was supposed to be worth over $500,000 within 3 years, and the store was projected to be profitable the first year. I felt these were both safe investments. Little did I know what I was in for.
We had a fire due to lightening at Acction Communications in early June, 2005. At first the damage appeared to be minor, but then the fire department decided they needed to turn power off in the building – and couldn’t tell me when it would be restored. I almost panicked, but then realized we could go on if we could simply divert calls to a new location that also had Internet access. Fortunately, we already had negotiated a deal with First Communications to sell the business to them. I made a quick call, and they offered to provide a room in their building for us. We were able to move essential equipment to the new location the very same day. Some employees were able to work from home while others worked at the First Comm office in Fairlawn.
I signed a 5 year lease for the store on my birthday (Aug. 2nd) 2005, and that seems to be when things started going down hill. I didn’t have enough money to get into both of these businesses without borrowing so the first thing I did was put a mortgage on my house. Then I thought I could get a small business loan for the store, but found out I couldn’t qualify because of inadequate income. However, after looking at how much money I could borrow with credit cards, I plowed forward anyway. That was the beginning of a disaster.
After some delays, the store opened in November, 2005. It wasn’t long before I wondered what I was thinking when I decided to start this business. I didn’t enjoy being a clerk. I knew that going in, but was hoping we’d be busy enough that I wouldn’t have to be on the front lines. But we weren’t busy. Things did pick up as Christmas drew near, but I was finding we were doing too many things for free or at least not charging enough. January was very slow. In February, I gave serious thought to closing down, but decided I shouldn’t bail that quickly. I figured I could put something like $150,000 on credit cards, if necessary. Plus I had over $50,000 in my IRA. The money drain was sickening – nearly $4000/month on average, but I was like a drunken sailor and didn’t feel I had much of a choice – I was already so far into debt, what was a few more thousand dollars?
Even though I couldn’t afford it, I needed to hire some help. I found Jim who had previously owned a printing company. His knowledge was invaluable. Later, I hired Becky, who was excellent with customers, a quick learner and full of ideas. I relied on her a lot.
One of the reasons I wanted a store was because I thought the marketing would be relatively simple. Sales and marketing are the things I’ve always dreaded as a small business owner. If you have an attractive and visible store-front, customers will find you, right? They did, but it was just a trickle. I tried handing out flyers to businesses up and down the street. I joined the Chamber and started attending Chamber and other networking meetings. I also had them distribute flyers to members. I did a direct mailing to all residents in the area. Nothing seemed to work, and I was about to have a nervous breakdown.
By the end of June, I was really ready to bail, but found relief in Rick Mirenzi, one of my customers. He had owned a couple of similar stores in the past, and was an excellent salesman with a lot of energy. He agreed to take over the store, stopping my losses or least most of them. He took over at the end of July (2006) and was full of ideas. For a while he looked like my savior, but by the end of the year, he too gave up, having lost over $15,000. Sadly, I had to close the store for good and begin the process of liquidating the stock and fixtures.
I got some more relief in August 2006, when Ladd Kopp hired me to do some technical writing for one of his clients. More about that later.
Meanwhile, the condo project was moving along, although there were endless delays. I figured that even with large losses incurred by the store, I would be okay because of the condo project. But the money for the project was running out. The first unit was completed in the Fall of 2006 (don’t remember exactly when, but it was several months behind schedule). The money had run out at the same time – actually I believe a couple contactors had not gotten paid. But at least we had something to sell – things were going to start looking up, so I thought. Our realtor and my partner tried unsuccessfully to sell the unit over the next several months. It was a bad time of year; the housing market was not doing well, and no one wanted to be the first to purchase a unit (there were 23 duplexes planned). But, without a sale, we didn’t have the cash to build the next unit. The stage was set for failure.
Dale asked me if I knew of anyone who could invest some money into the project to keep it moving. I came up with my nephew Ed and his partner, my friend David Eid, and Rick Mirenzi who was also helping with the store. Dale had his own contacts. But we couldn’t come up with a partner. Gradually it became clear that the condo project was not going to save me. At the time of this writing, Dale has worked with numerous prospective partners and potential buyers – all without success. The unit we completed over 2 1/2 years ago still sits vacant (in fact I have never even seen it! – it’s in Salem). We are now awaiting a sheriff’s sale forced by the county to cover back taxes.
I was finally forced to file bankruptcy in Feb. 2008. I was, and still am, hoping to keep my house.
I tried various ways of getting back on my feet. I went through cycles of seeking employment, getting discouraged, then focusing on self-employment.
I forgot to mention that in the Fall of 2006, I was asked to partner with a woman who was trying to get a call center off the ground. At first I felt that this was going to be my ticket to success. At this point, I was desperate. I was deeply in debt, but still had more resources – I could put a second mortgage on my house – I wanted to get into something profitable before my lines of credit were gone. Melissa Mussina was an excellent telemarketer. She just didn’t have much business sense. I thought I could partner with her and make it work. She just needed a few hundred dollars here and there to make payroll, so she said. She had an office in Canton, and lots of clients. The only problem was, the more clients she had, the more money she lost. I tried to find other ways we could use her telemarketers, including selling home security systems. For a while I thought that could work, but ran into various problems. I quit after about 3 months, having lost over $30,000, although it took several more months to disentangle myself from Melissa. She wrote bad checks that I was forced to cover since my name was on the account. It was a scary time. After that, I vowed to stop the crazy spending.
During all of this, I was plagued with depression. I was mourning the loss of my former businesses. In addition to the loss of the telephone business, I had given up the office building to Therese in the divorce. I had constant reminders of what I had given up in my basement where much of the old records were stored. I wondered how I could have been so stupid. I had lost my marriage, my business, and my whole career with it. I often felt I had no value to anyone, but I kept going anyway.
As I said, I periodically looked for a real job, but without success. The poor economy, my lack of well-defined skills, and my age seemed to combine against me. My resume didn’t help. All I knew was small business ownership, which didn’t seem to match up with the needs of employers. I had held executive positions, but they were all in very small companies. My technical skills were mediocre, to my dismay and sadness.
The job that Ladd Kopp gave me started out part-time in August 2007, but there didn’t seem to be more than a few hours of work a week, and could be done from home. I also took a part-time job managing a vacant apartment building that was undergoing renovation for an owner in Utah, but the pay was negligible. By the end of 2007, I was desperate to find something else. In the newspaper I noted an ad for workers at a plastics company in Hartville. I walked in and was hired on the spot for $7/hr. That offered a small relief, but I couldn’t live off of it.
After a week or so I had an idea. Ladd had been telling me all along that I was authorized to work 40 hours a week even though there didn’t seem to be any work. I decided to force the issue by asking him if I could start coming into his new office and work 8 hours a day. He agreed. Since he was marking up my hourly rate and charging his client, this was good business for him. Just by being there, he and his client were forced to give me more work. Before long they decided to have me create database reports that were part of the project. This was new to me, but they were willing to pay me while I learned so I went to work. I enjoyed it, too, and worked nearly full-time throughout 2007. The pay was not enough for me to keep up with my credit card payments, but it was enough to cover my mortgage and other living expenses. It was a break I sorely needed.
On the side, I was working on an Internet project. I had been wanting to find a way to make money online since 1997. I won’t go into everything here, but I blew a large sum (probably around $200,000) during the late 1990′s trying to get a couple projects off the ground without success. I had money to blow back then. In early 2007, I started working on a site named Biz-Tips.org. This was through a company called Site-Sell. I liked what they offered. I worked on that project off and on for a year as I recall. Eventually, however, I didn’t feel I was getting anywhere, and gave up.
In May, 2008, my hours for the Saturn project (Ladd’s client) were cut drastically. I’m not sure how I managed to keep up with my bills between then and the end of the year, but somehow I limped along for several months. I also got a short contract job from IVR Systems for work that was very similar to what I had been doing for Saturn.
I may be forgetting some things, but I think my next project was Rivul.com (I should call this Rivul One since I am currently re-using that domain for an unrelated project). The idea there was to create a site for business associations, like Chambers of Commerce, that would help them get the most out of their membership. This was a huge undertaking, in retrospect. I was trying to incorporate “Web 2.0″ ideas, that would allow the group members to interact better with each other, and be more efficient at helping them promote their businesses. I’m not sure where the idea came from, but I was motivated enough to spend a huge number of hours on this throughout the spring and summer of 2008. I used the Drupal content management system and there was a big learning curve. I felt that even if I couldn’t make money from Rivul that the skills I developed during that time might help make me more employable. I literally spent hundreds of hours on this project, often feeling overwhelmed, wondering if I had taken on too much. I was able to maintain focus on this project just long enough to create a good demo site for the Lake Township Chamber of Commerce. Perhaps the project could have become a profitable business, but I didn’t know how to market it. The Lake people showed some interest, but not enough, and the project is dead now.
It seemed that the moment I got the rivul.com project to a point where it was ready to market, I lost interest in it, and I got the idea that I should try to market my “report development” skills. I reasoned that since I’d had two clients (Saturn and IVR Systems) hire me for this work, there must be more. So I created ReportGuy.com. I got Bill Jelen (MrExcel.com) to run a banner ad for me on his site for free, and I experimented with running Google ads to get some leads. I did get interest from one person, but that didn’t pan out and I lost my nerve with spending money on the advertising so it was on to the next project.
For some time, I had been thinking that an accounting/bookkeeping business was the ideal kind of business for me – recurring income, a lot of potential customers, and after some investigation, I found ways that I felt could offer this service at very affordable prices. Thus was born Horning Business Services. I spent a good part of the Fall of 2008 on the website, marketing materials, and putting the system in place. I tried a few different marketing methods, including sending flyers to chamber members, cold-calling, attending a networking meeting, and hired a telemarketing company to set appointments for me. I’m probably not nearly as patient as I need to be in order to make a business like this a success, but when I had not customers – in fact no one even willing to meet with me to discuss – I lost interest.
This brought me to the end of 2008, and by now I urgently needed to reduce my expenses. I could not keep up with my house payments. It took me a long time to finally take the step of putting my house on the market, but being in the middle of a serious down-turn in the economy, I was not optimistic about getting a reasonable offer. I listed the house in early November. In late December, I got a call from someone who wanted to rent the house. Since I didn’t think I could make enough money on a sale, and because I didn’t really want to sell it anyway, I decided to take them up on their offer, despite the fact that the rent ($1000/mo.) was not enough to cover my mortgage payment. The renters are Marc and Lorie Cumo. I moved out at the end of January, and in with my mother.
This has all been a very humbling experience, as you might imagine. For a time, it seemed like maybe I had finally reached bottom and was now going to move in a positive direction. I was looking hard of a job and managed to get a few interviews, but never received an offer. Fortunately, the work from Saturn was still trickling in and I was keeping up with my bills for the first time in a long time. When my search for work turned up nothing, I repeated what I have done over and over – looked for a way to be self-employed. Of course, this meant turning to the Internet. I investigated several options and made some false starts. I purchased a “Niche Blueprint” from Andy Williams (not the singer lol) and began work on diy-solar-power.net. I wrote and distributed a couple articles, and even made one sale, but I could see this wasn’t going to work too well. For one thing, I was trying to make money off of affiliate products that were of low quality. I couldn’t, in good conscience, make much effort to sell these, but didn’t seem to have an alternative.
I shifted my attention next to selling other affiliate products using Google ads, but this looked too risky. I purchased a promising-looking product that would show me how to build an online store for niche products. Once again – not for me – fortunately they were good with offering a refund. Then I purchased software for building a niche social network site. This looked like a great product, but I couldn’t see myself marketing this well enough to make money. I received a refund on that one as well.
Then things changed when I got a call from Ladd one day telling me to stop all work for Saturn. Evidently they were unhappy about something and did not want to pay for my work. That threw me into a panic. I once again went to the job boards. This time I tried LDSJobs.com where I found several possibilities – one being a job to work for a collection agency locating people who have disappeared. Something about that sounded interesting even thought the pay was low – and the job was in Utah! I applied on Saturday, and on Monday received an email from them asking me to come in for an interview the following day! I told them I didn’t really think that was practical, but then the lady said they also needed someone in IT. That was enough. To make a long story short, I was there the next day, but was greatly disappointed that the other job was just imaginary. I felt pretty foolish. Of course I had been wanting an excuse to go to Utah for some time – I have few friends there, plus there was this woman I’d met months earlier on one of the singles sites. Before the visit was over, I had one more job interview, and met with two recruiters, but the net result was zero.
Getting home from that trip was quite an adventure, but I might share that some other time. While I was out there, I’d been communicating with a company (Elevate Communications) that was looking for people to start sales offices all over the country to sell VoIP telephone service. This is something that intrigued me. When I got back here, they told me that training was to start that Saturday, and with not enough thought, but feeling that this was something I couldn’t afford to miss, I decided to return for the training. Too bad I just didn’t stay out there (lol). I ended up missing the Saturday meeting, but took in the real training which went the entire following week.
I knew I couldn’t just start up a sales office here in Ohio. The marketing method was primarily door-to-door sales, which I thought I could handle, but only with a lot of support. They had an office starting up in MN, run by a guy very familiar with the process and I decided to go there for a month to learn the system.
During all of this, I had also been investigating the possibility of selling my own brand of VoIP. Alliance Solutions had what appeared to be a great resale program. After some more soul-searching, and looking at the possible cash flow, I decided to take another chance and skip the Elevate opportunity and try to do my own thing instead. Check out Rivul.com.
So that’s about where things stand at the moment. I’ve been investigating various ways to market the product. I considered trying to work with distributors, but realized I can’t provide the kind of support they would need. So at this point, I’m planning to create a landing page that primarily sells the referral program, but will also have links for other providers (I’m an affiliate for the other companies so I can receive a commission for those sales as well).
To be continued…