I’m Married!
John and Susan
I’m finally writing about Susan. It’s about time, since we’ve been married now for almost 2 months.
I found Susan on LDSMingle.com in early March and sent her a “smile”, indicating interest. She didn’t have a photo and I never send messages to women without photos, but she was in Cleveland and sounded nice. My account was due to expire in a few days so I decided to take a chance. She sent a message back indicating interest. Little did I know I had found my future wife, and would be married to her less than 6 weeks later!
Our first date was at a single adult event at the Solon chapel. A very talented family – the Hoopes – had been asked to perform a violin recital. Afterward, we had dinner and then spent some time in her attic apartment that was part of her daughter’s family’s apartment in Cleveland Heights. I was pleasantly surprised upon first meeting Susan. She’s very attractive and we seemed to get along very well. At one point during the evening, she asked me what I was thinking and I told her I was thinking that I’d like to marry her. She didn’t have a negative reaction to that comment so I knew then I was on the right track. I had pretty much decided to marry by the end of the evening
Susan wasn’t exactly sure what had prompted her to move from Washington State in mid December. She came partly for schooling, partly because her daughter had invited her, and partly just because she was feeling she needed a change. She was almost divorced from her second husband – it had become final only in mid-February. She was feeling up in the air about everything. Her youngest child was 20 and living with another family in preparation for his mission, and she was feeling a little lost.
On our second date, the day after our first date, we went to Kirtland. We watched a film about Joseph Smith coming to Kirtland and there’s the famous line he says upon meeting Newell K Whitney for the first time. Joseph said “Thou art the man! You prayed me here; now what do you want of me?”. At the end of the film, Susan turned to me and said “John Horning, you prayed me here; now what do you want of me?” I had already told her that one of the reasons she might have come to Ohio was because I prayed her her. I think we both knew at that moment that we were going to get married. From almost that time on, we began talking about marriage. Within a week or so, it was all but a done deal.
Susan had been planning to return for her son, Derek’s mission farewell in early May. I now made plans to go with her. We felt it best to meet them before we officially became engaged. By the end of March, we were looking for engagement rings, and began telling select people that we were getting married. Eventually, we felt we needed to tell her sons as well, and before long I was also feeling like I really need to make it official. So on Sunday, April 11th, I decided it was time to pop the question. I chose an unusual setting – the haymow in the barn. It was Fast Sunday and we had planned to have a picnic lunch to break our fast, but it began raining lightly, so we moved it into the barn. I had previously slipped Susan’s ring into a sack with some of the food. After we said our prayer, I began taking things out of the bag and pulled out the ring (I decided I couldn’t wait for her to do it). I exclaimed “what’s this?” and then showed it to her. We both happened to be kneeling on a blanket on the straw so I was already on my knees. I said something like “Susan – you are a wonderful blessing in my life and I thank Heavenly Father for sending you to me. I want to spend the rest of my life, and beyond, with you. Will you marry me?” Thankfully, she said “yes”.
The next question was when to do it. We both wanted to get married in the Temple, and considered the matter carefully. In order for us to get sealed in the Temple, I needed a sealing clearance, and Susan needed a sealing cancellation. This was required because both of us had previously been sealed to other people in the Temple. We knew that both processes involved writing letters to the church’s First Presidency, and also getting our ex-spouses, Bishops, and Stake Presidents to write letters. After that we had to wait for the final approval from Salt Lake and the process could take several months. After much discussion and prayer, we decided best to get married civilly now and then go to the Temple one year later, which is the required waiting period after a civil marriage.
We originally considered getting married in late June or early July, but with the commitment to marry civilly having been made, the only thing holding us up now was gaining the approval of our children. Susan was unemployed, but she was looking for work. She reasoned that if she got a job, she would be lucky just to get the week off for her trip in May. It would be very difficult to get additional time off for a honeymoon. Plus, I couldn’t get much more time off from my job. Money was also an issue. So we started thinking it would be nice if the trip to Washington in May could also become our honeymoon. But finding a suitable time proved to be very difficult with everyone’s schedule. For a while we thought it might be best to get married in Washington, hoping to satisfy her children, who had been left out of the process up until now, but when I mentioned this possibility to Sarah, she became quite upset. It apparently felt like a rejection to her. I decided then I couldn’t do that to her.
It appeared that we couldn’t get married without upsetting some, or all, of our children. For a time, it seemed there was no way to work it out. We began talking to all of our children. I even spoke to Derek, Susan’s youngest, on the phone in an effort to make him feel more comfortable. Eventually, we felt like it would be okay to go ahead and get married here, in Ohio, just before making the trip to Washington. Then we had to find a time to fit everyone’s schedule – especially mine and Sarah’s. By the time we figured out that Sunday, April 25th, was the best day, it was only 3 days away. The next question was where to hold it. We considered the Canton Ward building or the Bishop’s home, but then found out he wasn’t available. Susan then asked her Bishop, James Harmon, and fortunately he was available. So with 2 days to spare, everything came together for a wedding to be held in the Mayfield Chapel. When a few sisters in Susan’s ward found out about it, we received some unexpected last minute help from them in setting things up in the cultural hall. We even had a professional photographer show up to take some photos for free. They can be viewed here.
The wedding went very well. My mother and children attended, as did Susan’s daughter, Holly, and her husband and children. I decided not to invite my siblings, partly because neither my sister Mary, nor any of Susan’s sisters, could be there, but mostly just because we wanted to keep it as simple as possible. Afterward, we drove to the Quail’s Covey bed and breakfast in Hartville to spend the night. It was a beautiful setting and wonderful way to start out our marriage.
On May 7th, we traveled to Seattle, then to Olympia, Washington to meet with the rest of Susan’s family. I won’t go into detail here, but it was a very pleasant trip and we really enjoyed seeing everyone.
To wrap up this post, I need to describe Susan a little bit more. She’s a very kind, soft-spoken woman. I have never seen her raise her voice. She has never criticized me. She’s very sensitive, caring, and compassionate. She is reserved and not prone to boasting. She can be stubborn – shall we say spunky. She’s smart. She’s a hard worker and enjoys working with tools. She doesn’t complain. She has what I would call a strong nesting instinct. She really wants to make our house a home.
Admittedly, it’s a little premature to say a lot about her personality, having known her for less than 4 months, but I’m very satisfied so far, and love her very much. I hope she feels that same way about me.
What a heart-warming story! It appeals to my romantic side.
I wish I could be as spontaneous as you have been, it’s both affirming and yet frightening. You’ve both taken a new path. You’ve started it with honesty. Keep to that path and it should be a blessing to us all.
“The most important aspect of love is not in giving or the receiving: it’s in the being. When I need love from others, or need to give love to others, I’m caught in an unstable situation. Being in love, rather than giving or taking love, is the only thing that provides stability. Being in love means seeing the beloved all around me.”