You have the marvelous Catholic gift: guilt, we have given the Jews a serious run on who has the most developed sense of guilt. We all need to get past it. Feel guilty for the unrepented wrongs you have done, repent of the wrongs you are responsible for and don’t worry about what you should have done, either do it or forget it.

Analytical loners are the best. Social skills are not difficult: be kind, listen carefully and show love without shame to man and woman alike. It’s OK to say “I don’t know what to say”. It is part of honesty. But be advised, honest, open conversation will scare most people. I’ve made the change from loner to wanderer to social fish several times with success. You can too, if that is what you want.

Cheer up, you’ve done most things right, if somewhat in unusual order. What you want most will be yours when you let it go. (this last is something heard from Baba Ram Das 40 years ago, it’s all mystic but its really about performance anxiety, “all the world’s a stage and we but players on it”)

Your life is not half spent, your description of it shows that the good outweighs the bad. Even if it were not so, changing so that from this day it is overwhelmingly good is within your power. You will be remembered not by every detail of your history, but by what you last did to another person. Do something good today.

Here we learn Jesus’ power was delegated to Him from His father, that because of the Father’s love for his son He has delegated power over life and death, even over eternal life, to Him. This is the essence of holy priesthood: the delegated power of God. In this I think you are correct, but willingness to submit is not sufficient to describe the relationship. This is an example of unconditional trust. The Father knew from His own experience that the Son will do as He would, not just in repeating what His father has done but in novel circumstances.

Why would this be? It is because the Son knows the Father; He knows the mind and heart of His Father. Think to your own father; could you say you knew his mind and heart in all things? I think not, I do not. We know each of our fathers imperfectly, having only common experiences to guide us. I don’t know what my own father would do in new circumstances, not sufficient to entrust the power of life to him. At best, I could exert faith in the hope that I know enough. We are imperfect, but we have a perfect example in the Father and the Son.

So this is not merely submission but rather a positive act, an assertion like unto what we do when we do something that we know is right despite any risk to ourselves. It is courage, sacrifice and conviction. It is love of what the Father loves: holiness.
In following this example of transcendent unity of souls, we can follow Christ’s exhortation in the fifth chapter of Matthew to “be perfect even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect”. This is not simple mimicry but involves faith, hope, knowledge and love. It is not unquestioning obedience, it is knowing obedience. Lest we forget, Jesus had to have a real choice in order to make a real sacrifice. He had to fully know of the consequence of His choices. In this moment He had to stop following and begin to lead.

His is not the obedience of simply following rules or commands, this is going beyond what we are commended. This is to “do many things of [our] own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness”. It is positive, active and assertively doing.

When I think of obedience the 124 section of the Doctrine and Covenants (vss 5-9)
If thou art called to pass through tribulation; … and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he? Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.”

This sort of obedience means we enter into the congregation of the chosen ones. We need to learn how to use our powers “only upon the principles of righteousness”. We need to follow His words and exert ourselves as instructed by Doctrine and Covenants 121:
” … by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, … without hypocrisy, and without guile— That [our] faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death. [With] bowels … full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and [with] virtue garnish[ing our] thoughts unceasingly; [ we seek for] the Holy Ghost [to] be [our] constant companion, and … [our] scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and [our] dominion … be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means [flowing to us] forever and ever. ”

Obedience by persuasion? Obedience by pure knowledge? Obedience by the companionship of the Holy Ghost? How do we do these things?

The key is in the companionship of the Comforter, the great teacher and witness of the Christ. The spirit teaches, it persuades quietly, gently. It opens our mind to knowledge, to wisdom and to truth without any guile or hypocrisy. It persuades us to do likewise, to become more like the Savior through love of the Savior. In this, commandments, observances and acts become teaching exercises rather than goals. They become natural expressions of our love for the Son that we are learning to know. This is the obedience Jesus teaches. This is living holiness.