John Horning Blog

This post contains all emails that Michael has sent to me and Therese while he’s been serving in the California Roseville Mission of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

The story of how I met and married Susan…..

The latest news about Bizgenius.biz and other things. My goals and why I’m optimistic.

My latest website creation – BizGenius.biz – what it’s about, and why I think it will succeed.

Musings about my job at Rubbermaid, my love life, and miscellaneous thoughts.

Sarah was a beautiful bride, and David seems to be a great catch. I’m very proud of her, and happy for her. Sarah has always been a wonderful example to all those around her, and a near-perfect daughter. I’ve had some trouble giving her up and getting used to the idea that she belongs to someone else now, but I guess that’s a necessary part of the eternal plan of happiness for her – and me, too.

This is a report of a recent conference held in Kirtland that I helped organize. It was a wonderful experience.

The story of my conversion to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Written January 7, 2009

I have been through a number of periods in my life where I have felt lost, hopeless – even deperate.  In every case, things eventually improved, letting me know that my Heavenly Father is really aware of me and my needs.  Here are ones that come to mind.

Bullies in Grade School

I don’t have very much of a memory of this anymore, but at some point in my grade school career at St. Joseph, I was really burdened by bullies.  This likely was around 5th or 6th grade.  There were 3 boys in my class that would wait for me to go out to the playground every day after lunch.  I didn’t have too many friends and was small and immature for my age so I was a likely target.  I don’t remember exactly what they did, but I remember being nearly surrounded by the 3 of them and they were all bigger than I was.  They taunted and teased me, stopping short of actually hurting me physically.  This went on for quite some time – I don’t remember how long, but probably a few weeks.  Eventually I dreaded going out to play.  I was feeling very fearful and it was affecting my whole life.  I didn’t know how to handle it except to finally tell my mother.  She visited the principle (Sr. Agnell as I recall, whom everyone feared), who in turn talked the boys.  That put an end to their bullying, more or less.  The bullies still had little respect for me because of the way I handled the situation.  Nevertheless, I remember feeling a tremendous relief with this burden being suddenly lifted.  The fear was virtually gone.  I finally gained some respect in the 8th grade when I chose to not back down when another boy, who had also repeatedly picked on me, taunted me one day.  I remember a rather large crowd of boys watching as he and I fought.  It didn’t last long, and neither of us got hurt.  I remember later thinking that I should have fought with all my strength and really showed everyone what I was capable of, but I had finally gained some respect from others and myself.

In College

I fell in love for the first time with a girl named Amy about the time I turned 21 and was a Junior at Virginia Tech.  It lasted about 3 weeks before she tired of me, but the pain continued for a long time.  I was in deep depression for months and during that time it seemed the only think I could think of was to try to get her back.  I met her in the summer, and then in the fall had to return to Ohio to work at Timken and live at home.  I decided to write my thoughts down and later used much of the material in a long letter that I composed and sent to her.  As I recall, it was at least 10 pages long.  The letter never got a reaction that I was aware of.  In the winter, I returned to college and roomed with Bradley, who was a black student I was paired up with.  We became friends and I confided in him telling him of some of my feelings for Amy.  This helped a lot because up until then I had no one to talk to.  Unfortunately Bradley dropped out of school before the end of the Winter quarter and I was left alone.  I remember feeling terribly alone – even worse than I had felt in the summer and fall.  Mercifully, the quarter finally ended and I returned home where at least I had my family, but the feelings of loneliness continued.  In the summer I returned to school and things really started to change for me.  I met Julie who seemed to really like me, although I wasn’t able to have the same feelings for her that I had for Amy.  Nevertheless, my whole outlook began to change.  Then I made friends with a guy in my class – also a John.  He introduced me to 3 of his friends and the 4 of us began to do a lot of things together.  John became my best friend and I eventually roomed with him during our final quarter at school.  That final year turned out to be the best of my college career.  Once again, I knew that Heavenly Father was watching over me.

After College

I had been enjoying college, being on my own, making new friends, etc.  I felt the next step was to get a good job, get married, and settle down.  Instead I returned home to Ohio in the Summer of 1975 without any marriage prospects and for a while felt like my life was over.  I didn’t enjoy the job at Timken, which I had all through college as part of a Co-op program, but they made me the most attractive offer so I decided to take it.  I didn’t like the idea of living alone so I went back to the farm.  Unfortunately things had changed while I was gone and I didn’t really fit in very well anymore.  There was no bedroom for me so my mother let me use the front porch as a bedroom.  It was small and cold, but most of all, I remember feeling alone and almost in a hopeless situation, despite the fact that I had a good job and plenty of potential.  My failure to find a wife in college was now seeming like a major problem.  I didn’t feel there was a way of meeting anyone now.  While my brothers and sisters were enjoying their lives and friends, I was often alone, and feeling humiliated.  I felt that I needed to get away, but where to go?  Moving into an apartment was not attractive option.  What I really wanted to do was leave everything and start a new life.  Then the thought came to me to quit my job and travel.  Initially the thought seemed like too much to bear.  Where would I go?  How would I survive?  What would I do at the end?  But the more I thought about it, the better I felt about it.  It was like a light had come on and I suddenly felt good and excited about my life.  I won’t go into all the details here, but that decision truly did change my life.  Ultimately, I settled in Salt Lake City, joined the Mormon Church, served a mission in Japan, made many friends, and met my future wife.

My Mission

All new missionaries were assigned to be with a senior companion.  This was significant because the real burden of the work fell on the senior, leaving the junior companion with little responsibility or pressure.  The senior companion was responsible for planning each day’s activities, taking the lead in lessons, and perhaps most importantly, in speaking Japanese when communicating with the people.  I had a real problem with the Japanese language.  It just did not come easily to me.  I noted with great concern, that my peers were learning Japanese more rapidly than I was.  As time went on the fear of being assigned as a senior companion before I felt comfortable with the language grew.  I assumed that I wouldn’t be facing that prospect until the mid-way point in my missiont, but when I discovered about 8 months into my mission that some elders in my group had been promoted to senior, I began to worry.  I did not feel ready for that responsibility at all.  Keep in mind that I was older than all the other missionaries, which added a feeling of inferiority to the fear.  I had somehow escaped the first round of promotions, but I knew that at the next transfer, I wouldn’t likely be called.  As the date for the next transfer approached, my worry turned into near panic.  I decided to start getting one hour earlier each day to allow more time to study the language.  To make matters worse, we were heading into winter.  The thought of having to endure the cold at same time I was given the assignment to be a senior added to my depression.  On December 10th (1981), I received the dreaded call from the President Shimabukuro.  But instead of calling me to be a senior companion, he asked to serve in the mission home as the Recorder, and my companion would be a Japanese Elder.  I was thrilled.  Not only had I avoided becoming a senior, I was going to spend the cold winter months in the comfort of the mission home.  I had a wonderful time there, and had some special experiences.  I felt blessed indeed.  I eventually became a senior companion, of course, but not until the following June, and by then I was ready.  I still remember everyone in the Mission home, including President and Sister Shimabukuro, seeing me off at the Eki (train station) as I began the long trip to a Oodate.  There I had some of the very best experiences of my entire mission.  It was truly an exciting time for me.  The Lord knew me and didn’t ask me to do more than I was able, but He then gave me opportunity to stretch and grow when I was ready.

Career and Money Issues

We struggled during the first several years of our marriage.  I was reasonably successful as a home inspector, but didn’t really like it for a number of reasons, including the fact that there was never enough money.  In 1991 I decided to try something new.  I purchased a computer and sofware that could work with a telephone line to make automated calls and handle incoming calls like an answering machine, but with a lot more features.  However, I struggled for the next 2 years trying to figure out how to make money with this new technology.  During that period, I tried a number of things, but nothing was working.  All I succeeded in doing was to spend money and gradually fall into serious financial trouble.  I remember writing in my journal about our near-desperate situation and feeling like I really needed some help.  I had a young family, was a worthy priesthood holder, and felt that if anyone deserved divine guidance and inspiration it was me.  The worry and fear went on for a number of months until I was out one Sunday, on my way to visit one of my home teaching families, when the idea suddenly came to me that I had two families on my list, both related to each other, that had to pay expensive long distance charges to call each other.  And I happened to have technology that could connect them up at at fraction of the cost.  Then it ocurred to me that there might be others in a similar situation that could use my service.  From that idea, a business was born that supported us very well for many years, eventually grossing more than 2 million dollars a year.

Divorce and Business Failure

I am now in another period of difficulty – this one more severe and long-lasting than any of the others.  My divorce and subsequent business failures have left me feeling like Job in the Old Testament, having lost everything after having such abundance.  I am continually mourning the loss of what I had, and wondering why this has happened to me.  I’m still not sure whether it’s some sort of punishment or an experience the Lord has sent to give me needed experience and growth.  I have felt hopelessness like never before, and it’s gone on now for 3 years.  It’s not been all darkness.  Certainly I can be thankful for family and friends, and employment.  But a real solution is not yet in sight.  I haven’t been able to escape the feeling that I’m too old to make a comeback – that my time is over.  I know that I could live for many more years in theory, and used to look forward to a long life, but right now I can’t imagine it.  I would really prefer to be taken now than to endure many more years of this.

But I feel hope when I look back on my life and realize that I have been in similar periods of darkness, and have always come through them, eventually feeling the light and the warmth of God’s love.  I am needing that again now, and hope Heavenly Father will help me once more.  I am far from perfect, hardly deserving of anything good, but perhaps He will have mercy on me anyway.  That’s my hope.  And I know I need to express gratitude for what I have because I still have much.  Hopefully, I will someday be able to write a happy followup to this story.  Know that I’m not bitter or angry.  I don’t blame anyone but myself.  And I still know that Heavenly Father loves me.

by John Horning

Here’s the text of a talk I gave in Sacrament meeting yesterday.  It doesn’t look like much, but I spent a lot of time on this – didn’t get to bed until 3:45 AM Sunday morning.  Ruby stayed up with me working on this, which was really sweet of her.

Today I’ve been asked to speak on the subject of how we can use the example of the Savior as a guide in our life.  Jesus Christ has been described as the perfect mentor, or the perfect example for us to follow.  Why is that?  We know he is the redeemer of the world, the only perfect man to ever walk the earth and he has experienced more than anyone of us.  But the reason he is the perfect mentor is because he was tutored by and perfectly emulates his Heavenly Father who is the father of us all.  We in turn have been asked to emulate him.

Elder Neal A.Maxwell, in speaking of Christ as the perfect mentor, noted that Jesus said, “He that hath seen me hath seen the Father” (John 14:9). When we read this we usually think of their physical appearances, but He was also speaking of seeing Their perfect examples and all the divine attributes embodied in Their majestic leadership.

Furthermore, the Master likewise told us who His own Exemplar is: “Verily, verily, I say unto you, The Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do: for what things soever he doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise” (John 5:19).

He who is our Great Redeemer was fully qualified to become such, because He was and is the Great Emulator! We, in turn, have been asked to emulate Him: “What manner of men [and women] ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am” (3 Ne. 27:27).

Why do we need to emulate Christ?  In the Book of John the Savior said “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.“ and in a  later verse “Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me hath everlasting life.” Considering the Savior’s great promise for peace in this life and eternal life in the life to come, discipleship is a price worth paying. It is a price we cannot afford not to pay. By measure, the requirements of discipleship are much, much less than the promised blessings.

At every stage in life, we face challenges.  They can range from problems in our relationships with friends and family, difficult decisions relating to career or marriage, and raising children to financial problems, abuse, persecution, physical infirmities, loneliness and loss.   The formula for overcoming every one of these challenges is the same.  We must use the principles that Jesus taught by word and example.  They are faith, obedience to the commandments, sincere prayer, and acceptance of Heavenly Father’s will.

Faith

Elder Dallin H Oaks said this about Christ’s faith: The kind of faith that includes trust in the Lord stands in contrast to many imitations. Some people trust no one but themselves. Some put their highest trust in a friend or another family member, perhaps because they feel that person is more righteous or more wise than they. But that is not the Lord’s way. He told us to put our faith and our trust in the Lord Jesus Christ.

The Savior gave us the model for that kind of faith and trust. Remember how he prayed to the Father in the agony of Gethsemane? This was the culminating event of his life, the climactic fulfillment of his mission as our Savior. The gospel of Luke, as corrected in the inspired translation of the Prophet Joseph Smith, describes how he knelt down and prayed: “Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me; nevertheless, not my will, but thine be done” (JST, Luke 22:42).

Here we see the Savior’s absolute faith and trust in the Father. “Nevertheless,” he said, “not my will, but thine be done.” The Father’s answer was to deny the plea of his Only Begotten Son.

When we try to develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ rather than merely cultivating faith as an abstract principle of power, we understand the meaning of the Savior’s words: “If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me” (Moro. 7:33).

Obedience

Christ was the perfect model of obedience.  His entire life was characterized by his total willingness to submit to the will of His Father. Despite His godly status, He acknowledged His Father with deference at every turn and obeyed His divine will and direction. At the beginning of His mortal ministry, He obediently sought baptism from John the Baptist “to fulfil all righteousness” (Matt. 3:15). Soon Christ was subjected to intense personal temptation by Satan. Christ’s unwavering commitment to His Father is reflected in His steadfast refusal to stray a single step from the straight and demanding course laid before Him by divine decree and eternal law. Satan’s will was rejected at every turn (see Matt. 4:3–11).

Christ’s ultimate submission to the will of the Father was as He drank the bitter cup of suffering in Gethsemane, at His scourging, and in His Crucifixion on Golgotha. His submissive attitude is reflected in His words, “O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt” (Matt. 26:39). His example of unhesitating, unswerving obedience sets a very high bar, but when we accept His admonition to “be perfect even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect” (3 Ne. 12:48) as a key element of the plan of eternal progression, we begin to understand what the Lord expects us to be.

Prayer

Elder Russell M. Nelson said this about prayer: “Our prayers follow patterns and teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. He taught us how to pray. From His prayers we can learn many important lessons. “

The Lord’s Prayer, as it is called, is found in 4 places in the scriptures.  Christ  prefaced His prayer by first asking His followers to avoid “vain repetitions” and to pray “after this manner.” Thus, the Lord’s Prayer serves as a pattern to follow and not as a piece to memorize and recite repetitively.

As I recite the Lord’s Prayer, listen for lessons:

“Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.

“Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.

“Give us this day our daily bread.

“Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us,” and

“Suffer us not to be led into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”

For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.”

The term “Our Father,” signifies a close relationship between God and His children. The phrase “hallowed be thy name” reflects the respect and worshipful attitude that we should feel as we pray. “Thy will be done” is another way of expressing the concept of submitting to Heavenly Father’s will, which we’ll discuss in a moment.

His request for “daily bread” includes a need for spiritual nourishment as well. Jesus, who called Himself “the bread of life,” gave a promise: “He that cometh to me shall never hunger.” And as we partake of sacramental emblems worthily, we are further promised that we may always have His Spirit to be with us. That is spiritual sustenance that cannot be obtained in any other way.

As the Lord closes His prayer, He acknowledges God’s great power and glory, ending with “Amen.”

The Lord said many prayers and taught many things about prayer, indicating it’s importance.  Likewise, we cannot take it lightly.

Submission to the will of Heavenly Father

Surely there is no greater example of submission to the will of our Heavenly Father than that of Christ’s suffering and death.

Elder Jeffery R. Holland, in the last general conference focused on the loneliness of the Savior’s final hours before his death on the cross, and how his experience could help us when we are feeling alone, but it also illustrates the Savior’s acceptance of his Heavenly Father’s will.  He said “I speak of the loneliest journey ever made and the unending blessings it brought to all in the human family. I speak of the Savior’s solitary task of shouldering alone the burden of our salvation. Rightly He would say: “I have trodden the winepress alone; and of the people there was none with me. … I looked, and there was none to help; and I wondered that there was none to uphold [me].”

Now I speak very carefully, even reverently, of what may have been the most difficult moment in all of this solitary journey to Atonement. I speak of those final moments for which Jesus must have been prepared intellectually and physically but which He may not have fully anticipated emotionally and spiritually—that concluding descent into the paralyzing despair of divine withdrawal when He cries in ultimate loneliness, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?”   With this final question, the Savior completed his mission, having fully submitted to the will of his Father.  Although we will not be asked for such a extreme sacrifice, the example has been set for us to submit our will to our Heavenly Father, which can sometimes mean denial of our fervent prayers.

Now let’s take a closer look at some of the less dramatic, but still important ways in which our Savior tutored his disciples.  Neal A Maxwell explained that Christ used Questions, Commendations, and Corrections in his interactions, thus giving us an example to follow as we interact with each another.

Questions

An example of a Jesus’ questions would be the one he asked Peter – “Lovest thou me?”.  This question carried with it tremendous implications. Peter’s reply “Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee” then brought the Christ’s response “Feed my sheep”.  With his affirmative reply, Peter not only promised to be faithful and loyal to Jesus, which became very difficult when Jesus was arrested, but also that he would care for all of Heavenly Father’s children – a task he hardly could have comprehended at the time.

Another question which Elder Maxwell describes as “multi-dispensational” was Jesus’ question to the returning and healed leper “where are the other nine?”  It was a question not only for him, but for all of us and for all time.

Elder Maxwell points out that these kind of searching questions need to be asked in love in order to bring about the desired affect.  Asked without love, Christ’s questions would likely have little affect.

Commendations

Elder Maxwell uses the word commendations to describe the kind and complimentary words Christ’s used sometimes to teach.  For example in D&C 124, speaking of Hyrum Smith, we find a verse that I found particularly meaningful.  “I, the Lord, love him because of the integrity of his heart, and because he loveth that which is right before me”.   This is certainly a good verse to keep in mind when we are facing temptations that could result in a possible loss of integrity, and thus loss of the Savior’s approval.

Referring to the Roman Centurion Jesus gave this commendation: “I have not found so great faith, no, not in Israel.”  This of course, was not only praise for the Centurion, but with his remark, Christ made it clear that the Centurion’s faith was an example for all of us to follow.

Corrections

Christ’s tutoring sometimes included corrections. To Oliver Cowdery he said “You took no thought save it was to ask”.  He was of course referring to Oliver’s request that he be allowed to translate portions of the gold plates.  Apparently Oliver, like us made a request of the Lord through prayer, but then failed to do his own part.  This can certainly be likened to us when we make similar requests of the Lord and then fail to make the required effort of our own.

Brigham Young needed to be reminded to “take especial care of your family”.  This came despite all the good things that Brigham was doing, and is a reminder that all of us need to submit to loving correction, at least occasionally.

I think it is noteworthy that Elder Maxwell used the term “corrections” to describe those times when the Lord points out error.  When we try to point out error, the word “criticism” comes to mind.  How much better to “correct”, which implies love, than to “criticize”, which is void of love.

The relationship between correction and commendation is a tricky one.  We are cautioned by Paul, interestingly enough, not to reprove others too much, causing them to “be swallowed up with over much sorrow” (2 Cor. 2:7). President Brigham Young, ever practical as well as spiritual, said we should never reprove beyond the capacity of our healing balm to reach out to the person reproved (see Deseret News, 6 Mar. 1861, 1).  And of course there’s the counsel we receive in the D&C to Reprove “ betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then show  forth afterwards an increase of love”

Our lives which include our friends, families, neighbors, and coworkers currently constitute the sample of humanity which God has given us.. ..It is within these circles of influence that we can strive to carry out all the dimensions of the second great commandment. If we follow the Savior’s example as we love we will praise, commend, and occasionally correct.

I’m going to conclude with some specific things Jesus did that we can all emulate, as taught by James E. Faust.

1. Jesus “went about doing good.” We can all do something good every day—for a family member, a friend, or even a stranger—if we will look for those opportunities.

2. Jesus was the Good Shepherd who watched over his sheep and had concern for those that were lost.  We can be spiritual shepherds by being member missionaries to our friends, neighbors, and family members.  We can follow the Savior’s example as we seek out the less active and befriend them.

3. Jesus had compassion on many. He healed the sick and caused the blind to see. Although we can not do miracles like the Savior, we can do small acts of kindness to show our compassion for others. At baptism we made a covenant   “to mourn with those that mourn.”

4. Jesus bore witness of His divine mission and of His Father’s great work. We can bear our testimony of the Savior and we can “stand as witnesses of God at all times” and all places.

5. Jesus invited “the little children to come unto [Him].” Our children need our attention and love as well as our care.  We need to teach them gospel principles and of the Savior’s love.

Brothers and Sisters, I testify that Christ, having been taught by the Father, is now our perfect mentor, and is not only worthy of our emulation, but is the only way back to the Father and to the countless blessing that will be ours if we but follow his example.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.